Super, Extra Special Friday Edition

Changes to workouts and adjusted schedules have allowed me the opportunity to have an additional post this week.  In honor of this special occasion, I have decided to share a little bit about an amazing superpower that I have discovered.

How To Gain 5lbs in a Single Day

Last December, I shared with you how I managed to lose 10lbs in one month. Did you read it?  Amazing, I know.  But equally as amazing, I have learned that I possess the power to gain half as much weight in a 24 hour period.  That is right, I have learned to harness the power of my body and mind to gain 5 pounds in a single day.  How did I learn such a spectacular feat? Although I have been advised otherwise, I will now share with you this ancient Chinese secret.

First, I awoke yesterday morning and laid in my bed.  No rushing off to run 5miles or lift weight for an hour.  Nope, I just rolled over looked at the clock, smiled, and rolled back over in the silence of my bedroom.  Then, I had breakfast delivered to me right there where I lay.  I did manage to raise to the seated position, but I moved as little as possible to avoid any excessive caloric burn.  I then proceeded to eat an amazingly large bowl of cereal, and equally large slice of toast with butter, and 3 slices of bacon.  Without moving too abruptly, I opened several presents from my family.  Unfortunately, I did have to go to work, but I very carefully trudged my way to the bathroom to clean up and slowly returned to my bedroom to change.  At work, I moved from my desk as little as possible, although I was annoyingly called away several times to attend to business matters.  To counteract this movement, I ate an orange.  Next, Katie surprised me with a birthday lunch on campus.  In order to continue my drudgery, we drove rather than walk the 5 blocks to the restaurant.  I ate an incredibly large bowl of stir fry from the Flattop Grill and downed it with 2 Diet Cokes.  Upon returning to my office, I ate an abnormally healthy portion of the peach crisp that Katie had made me, and topped it with some of the home-made maple cream sauce.  After Katie's departure and my return to work, I began to feel very uncomfortable.  I again drove to the convenience store and downed 2 tablespoons of Pepto-Bismol to ensure that I would be constipated throughout the evening.  For dinner, I ate a piece of chicken drenched in butter and coated, again in cereal.  On top of that, I had a pile of mashed potatoes and some sweet peas.  For dessert, I had a Dairy Queen blizzard.  And just to be sure that I completed this amazing effort, I downed some chips and salsa just before bedtime.

When I woke up this morning, BAM!, I had gained the full 5lbs.  Though you may be encourage to try this at home, I do not recommend it; I am an expert.