Highs and Lows

To those of you who read my blog and are aware that my son had surgery: Thank you so much for your support, prayers, and well wishes.  Bubba is doing great!  The surgery went smoothly and his recovery is going WAY better than we expected!  He is being spoiled by many friends and family, so our biggest concern is the reality check of a post-recovery return to normalcy.

Considering the guilt that I felt last Thursday for my splurge at the Chinese buffet, I am equally as pleased with this week's weigh-in results for my losing 10 pounds before Thanksgiving challenge.  I lost 3 pounds this week, for a total of 6 pounds in three weeks, and only 4 pounds to go in the next 3 weeks.  Of course, there are quite a few obstacles laying in my path, including the 2 barrels of Halloween candy still beautifully displayed in my home, but I am confident that I will be able to achieve my goal and lose 10 pounds before Thanksgiving.

And that is how things are going for me; I feel terrible one moment for splurging, and elated the next for having some success on the scale.  Then other times I feel bad because I REALLY want to splurge or treat myself or just throw in the towel completely and eat whatever I damn well please, but I don't and I question what the hell I am doing all of this for.  And then other times, I am so excited that I have committed to boxing up half of my dinner out before I ever start eating, or actually leaving a few bites uneaten on my plate knowing that I may have dessert or snack later.  It seems as though if I am truly committed to losing this weight that I am going to be faced with a lot of highs and lows throughout my struggle!

The good thing is that the exercise has now become habit.  It is something that I have built into my normal day, and I feel terribly out of sorts if I fall out of routine.  So, I have got that going for me.  But the real stumbling block is my food.  I LOVE food!  All kinds of food: junk food, fast food, gourmet food, healthy food, dessert food, and pretty much anything that you put in your mouth and can be classified as food.  So, when I have to deny myself something that I love so much, it makes me a little sad.  But I also love losing weight and getting fit.  I love the way I feel, I love when Katie likes how my arms are looking, I love getting on the scale and seeing it read less than it did last week.  So, when I eat something, or too much of many things, that I think will be a detriment to losing weight, it makes me feel a little sad, as well.

I wish I were one of those people that could eat pretty much whatever they wanted, and as long as they were working out, they would never gain a pound.  I wish I were not one of those people that could gain 5 pounds on a good night of food and beer.  But wishing does nothing, and it definitely cannot change who I am. I think this is pretty much what I can expect until I get down to an "ideal" weight, a lot of highs and a lot of lows.  I just hope that my highs can continue to be about my low weight, and not the other way around.