Friday, March 5, 2010

Get up you loser!

I almost didn't get up today for my workout. I had all the excuses. "I was up late." "I didn't sleep well." "It's just the strength workout; it doesn't really matter." In the end the good angel won out, and I rolled out of bed at 5:15am (I usually am up at 4:45am)

I went downstairs, Katie was already out for her run (She claims to not being a runner, but she never misses a run. I think she is starting to like it.) I stretched slowly and before I was done, Katie was home. We went upstairs and did our ab workout together.

For our ab workout, we do the Ab Ripper X from the P90X program. Our neighbor gave us a copy of the workout, and overall I think it does just fine. There are 2 things about it that one day will get to me. First, nearly every workout is done with your legs in the air. I am not talking a couple of sets; almost every movement of the 349 moves is done with one's legs in the air. I get that this is probably a great way to work your abs. But as a beginner, I feel extremely uncoordinated, and darn it, it is really freakin' hard. After my first day, I thought my legs would fall off at the hips. It seems to be getting a little better, but I still feel like an uncoordinated slob while I am doing the work. Hopefully all this pain is working those sex...I muscles.

Second, I don't mean to be judgemental, but this trainer on the program is a complete dork. Before we even start the workout he says to an interviewer, "Ab Ripper X...I hate it, but I love it." What? Then he goes on to say during the workout, "We're halfway done (which we are not); what a bummer." Huh? Seriously, it's annoying. And apparently, P90X has this tag line, "Bring It!" Bring what? All you said was that I needed a bottle of water and a workout mat (Which I do not have, nor do I need). What exactly am I supposed to bring? I have also noticed in the infomercial for the Insanity workout, their tag line is "You gotta dig deep!" I don't think I really appreciate these tag lines. At most I find them entertaining and at the least I find them to be terribly annoying.

What I require is a little humiliation. I remember in grade school a girl was teasing me about my rotundness. She was so creative that she was able to use my last name in the humiliation. "Heh, heh. You're a 'Full Ton'" I probably went home and cried back then, but today I believe I would really use that humiliation as motivation to get off my ass and get moving (after first sitting on the little wench until she passed out). I remember the first A I got in a college course was a class that the teacher graded my first exam, a C, and wrote on it, "I just thought you were smarter than this." I thought, "You asshole; I am smart." I put down my beer, started studying, and aced the rest of the class and as I said got an an A in the course. The teacher later said that he would not have normally wrote that on a paper, but he thought that it would actually motivate me, and he was right.

So, I have come to realize what I need for a tag line is different then what most of these packaged workouts are giving me. I need the little angel on my shoulder while I lay in bed telling me to "Get up you loser!" " Move it, Fatty McFatterson!" I need somebody telling me on my iPod while I am thinking about giving up on that last mile, "Run harder you pansy! You're not dead, yet." Maybe its just the sadist in me, but that is the kind of motivation I need.

1 comment:

  1. NO problem, Bitch! I'll call you Fatty McFatterson at 4:45AM. But don't call me that. It won't make me want to run harder, actually- I'll start crying and head straight to the fridge!