... you take them both and there you have the fact that I was given notice today that I would no longer have my job as of August 15.
After my post yesterday, I had decided that I would stop with the fluff pieces about inspiration and my inability to swim. I was going to get down to the nitty gritty, and start talking more about my workouts.
I had known about the meeting to discuss my future employment and I knew that being dismissed was a possibility. I had decided I was actually going to use that as fuel for my morning run. It took me a little longer than usual to get out the door, but once I hit the pavement I was feeling pretty good. According to my normal workout schedule I was going to do a hard 2 miles. Before I even left the house I said to myself that I was going to do a hard 3 miles. But as I was going I thought about my fitness goals and the fact that I was running 4 miles by late last fall. I was also thinking about work. I was thinking how unfair it would be to let me go. I thought that it really wasn't a strong possibility because they needed me too much. And I thought about what on Earth I was going to do,if I was let go.
I was flying; I finished my first mile in 7min and 20 secs. In the next 50 yards is the split between my 2, 3, or 4 mile runs. I debated all the way up to the turn, and decided "F#$%, I am going to run 4 miles!" I continued to really pound out the miles, 15:07 at mile 2. I was feeling good, and I was still going over the upcoming meeting in my mind. I am rarely caught off guard in these situations because I usually have thought of every scenario I can be presented with, and already know my response to those scenarios. And this situation was no different. What I was really going over was what I wanted to say versus what I was going to say. I would love to tell these people off, but the fact is I need them as references, and I am responsible for my whole family. The ground was flying underneath my feet, 22:31 mile 3. For the last mile I started focusing on my form and pace. I focused on how my chest hurt on the uphills, but I could recover on the downhills. I wanted a good number.
When I was finally finished, 4.1 miles in 29:57, I felt accomplished. That was the fastest I had ever run, nothing could take that away.
I went to work prepared some notes for my meeting and a couple of hours later was told I was not needed after the summer. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. Even for all of my preparation, I still was not fully prepared for the shock. I will not go into the details of the meeting, but I can assure everyone that I remained professional, and hopefully can count on them for good references in my upcoming job search.
When you are faced with any difficult situations, there are a flood of emotions. After reassuring my wife and my staff that everything would be okay, the emotion that I have focused on is resolve.
I will not allow this to define me.
I will continue to be a good and professional employee.
I will not go to the fridge every time I feel sorrow.
After all is said and done, I will be better off.
The really good thing, I am not going to allow this job get in the way of the runs and rides that I have planned for this summer. Now, I am going to see if the local gym will let me pound on their punching bag for an hour.